The activity chart really bothers me.
Yesterday, it looked like cardiac atrial fibrillation.
Today it’s verging between bradycardia and flat-lining.
I can’t come on tumblr every day and begin diagnosing my activity’s ECG readings.
that’s just distracting.
There are two kinds of people.
The first hear the word “dope” and think drugs… As in highs, swag, and boss.
The second hear the word “dope” and also think drugs… But more like dopamine, psychopharmacology, and the dopaminergic system.
I don’t know why I felt this needed to be shared. Like… There are people out there that actually don’t know that the word “dope” used in reference to illegal drugs come from the natural drug in our brain called dopamine that is responsible for the activation of a variety of chemical cascades - including the reward/pleasure system in the brain… Which is why “dope” is often referred to things that give us some form of pleasure (like illegal drugs).
I’ve had these two friends for the longest time… Out of everyone, they stuck around through every phase of mine - my rebellious phase, my heart broken phase, my salafi phase… And out of everyone that could have and should have walked out on me, they should have most - but never did. Out of the countless people I mistreated, I mistreated these two the most - took them for granted, neglected them, but they stuck around. And they stuck tightly.
My heart has always had nothing but the sincerest dua’as for them - despite my judgement of them.
They don’t cover their bodies. They don’t pray. They don’t read qur’an. There are countless things they do that many Muslims would run away from them because of. And because of all of this, I have tried - more than once - to walk away from them. Why? Because I feared their influence on me.
I can’t believe how long it took me to realize… These are the people that taught me how to respect my parents. These are the only friends I had that didn’t gossip or talk about “boys” while growing up. Despite not “practicing” the religion the way I was taught, they sincerely loved Allaah. And you could tell it was sincere because most of us show our love to Allaah by praying and fasting and reading qur’an so people can see our love. But they were honest about not doing any of these things, yet they never feared stating that despite their lack of practice, they feared Him and loved Him. They would cry when we discussed the deen. They loved people. They were the most compassionate to the ones that were oppressed. They were the most understanding of people’s backgrounds and situations. They were the least judgemental people.
SubhanAllaah. They taught me everything about sincerity, integrity, honesty, loyalty - all the internal aspects of the deen. And because of their lack of external presentation of the deen, I actually tried to leave them so many times.
I forgot how they would force their guests to segregate whenever I was invited to a party. I forgot how they would never allow drinks at any gathering I was a part of. I forgot how they willingly left the restaurant early with me because it was prayer time. I forgot how they would not eat or drink in front of me when I was fasting. I forgot that simply by being in their company, I learned how to respect my parents, how to hate gossip, how to be compassionate to the poor and oppressed.
They may not be “practicing” Muslims in the eyes of the average Muslim, but they have qualities of the character of RasoolAllaah salAllaahu a’alayhi wasalam that my most “practicing” friends don’t have. They have brought me closer to the deen in a way I could have never imagined.
I make dua’a that Allaah always preserve them and grant them jannah on the basis of their internal qualities, and enhance them in their external qualities. I pray He forgives them for their external weaknesses, and me for my internal weaknesses. Ameen.
We may appear an odd triplet - one jilbaabi between two mini skirts. But my heart cannot compare on any level to theirs. They are the most sincere, kind hearted, honest people I have known. May Allah preserve them and guide us, ameen.
I love you, guys. So much <33
Anonymous said: Wouldn't it be nice if the Muslim ummah was as unified as it is in Ramadan all year around? Any solutions?
We fast together, struggle together, enjoy dinner together, and sharing in these struggles definitely unifies us. The reason is that we are so focused on our deen during Ramadan - it becomes our main priority for these 30 days. If we prioritized the deen this way throughout the year, imagine how unified we would be. Every month would feel like Ramadan. But it can’t because Allaah ordained this month upon as a blessing in which he locks away shaytaan and makes fasting and worship for us easy, alhamdulillah.
The important thing to remember is that we can’t “fix” the ummah - but we have a responsibility on it. Begin with yourself - focus on your deen, your worship, your patience, your character, then help your family to do the same - your parents, siblings, spouse, kids - then your neighbours, then your community. “Fixing” the ummah isn’t only a depressing concept, but it is also an impossible mission. But “helping even one person from the ummah is like helping the entire ummah.” So start small; focus on yourself and your family and your community. Surround yourself with people that have similar goals. Invite people to work hard in the deen throughout the year like we invite them in Ramadan for iftar and taraweeh and dhikr. This might not help the entire ummah, but if you unify the people you surround yourself with, it just might make you feel more hopeful for the ummah. Focusing on the part of the ummah that is closest to you, such as your family and friends and community, will give you the essence of a unified ummah and Islam is all about bringing people together on the straight path.
There may be no solution for the entire ummah, but there is for the individual and the part of the ummah that surrounds them. May Allaah unite us and may we meet in jannah, ameen.
Anonymous said: I do get scared thinking about marriage, Wallahy I want to get married at age 21 but I always feel it is impossible i am 19 now with basically no aim, i feel pointless and I feel nobody can marry until i work on myself and become a better person, it's all just messed up so please I need your advice and Duas
Salaama’alaikum. You’re not alone. Marriage can be a scary concept. But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. We all have to work on ourselves and improve ourselves - not just for the sake of marriage, but in the long run. Self-improvement is a constant struggle that we’ll still be striving towards even when we’re old and wrinkly. With every improvement, we’ll feel we need to improve more - the cycle never ends. So don’t put a time limit on your growth because it will continue to happen.
I should also warn you that there really isn’t a time when we feel we’re ready or good enough. But Allaah azza wajal gives us the tools and strengths to succeed in marriage when the time is right. He never puts us into something without the means to get through it in a rewarding way. So when the time comes for you, believe me, you’ll be shocked at how things are falling into place - despite your anxiety. You simply have to make dua’a - not just for your marriage, but your own personal growth.
You are not pointless nor unworthy of marriage - Allaah did not create you that way, otherwise that would be unfair. Be strong and hopeful. Find goals and achieve them. Don’t focus on marriage, but on you. Marriage will fall in your lap when He has planned for it. And if you focus on improving yourself constantly - one little trait at a time - you’ll be surprised how much you’ve improved by the time Allaah places marriage in your life.
Wallaahi, don’t worry. Don’t focus on having to be a certain way in time for marriage; focus on one thing you want to change about yourself, and improve it. Then go onto the next trait, then the next. Don’t look down the road 2-3 years from now, look only to tomorrow - one day at a time. Make the most of each day and eventually these days will pass on their own and you’ll see growth.
Be strong. May Allaah make it easy for you and relieve you of your anxiety and provide you with every strength needed to improve, ameen. May you realize how incredible you truly are, because I know you are. Because your natural fear, your concern for yourself, your recognition of needing improvement are all traits of an extraordinary Muslim woman capable of achieving great things. Focus on how far you’ve come and focus on what you can do now.
P.S. The ages between 18-24 are the strongest growing curves of our lives. Your anxiety is just a result of that. You’re exploring and you’re seeing things in a new way. The worry is completely natural at this point. Believe me, I’ve been there and I’m still there lol. Despite that, I’ve somehow been able to find happiness in marriage… Wallaahi it is all because of Allaah’s plan and might. All praise is to Him. Never underestimate what He can achieve for you. =]
iaiwm23 said: How did you meet your husband? I wish I could meet someone as you described but I am beginning to think they no longer exist. Asalamu Alaykum! Happy Ramadan.
Wa’alaikumsalaam! Haha the thing is he’s not necessarily an amazing person
actually he is but I’m probably biased, he’s just a great husband. Being good to your spouse has little to do with the kind of person you are, but rather the kind of person you want to be. If it’s important to you, you’ll be a good spouse, if not, you won’t be. Alhamdulillah he understood how important effort is. That’s something I didn’t understand, but I think I’ve become a better spouse because he’s convinced me - through his efforts - that effort is important. And that’s what we always strive for.
We met in university where we were both studying. Our meetings were brief but just enough for him to want to get to know me for the purpose of marriage. Alhamdulillah he made that move because I never would have… He seemed to me an out-of-reach brother lool but subhanAllaah, Allaah’s plans unfold as He has ordained.
Don’t worry about trying to find a great Muslim man. They’re not great naturally. It’s your relationship with him that will be great, insha Allaah, with effort. With effort, any person can be an amazing spouse. I truly believe that. Our spouse is a reflection of ourselves - if we work hard and cherish them, they’ll do the same. So, you’re right… An amazing man doesn’t exist… But an amazing spouse can develop from any person when given the chance.
I hope that eases your worry! Your marriage will be what you make it, and I make dua’a you find bliss and happiness in your marriage, ameen. And happy ramadhan to you as well!
I have a private blog on which I would regularly record my most deepest and secret thoughts. I knew no body could read them, but it was a channel through which I could release my anguish, fears, confusion, pondering. I would date and time each post and there would be at least a couple a day. I don’t know why I felt such a need to write down my thoughts… Almost as proof of my existence… Because I think and therefore I am, but unless I have proof of my thoughts, how can I be sure? I guess I couldn’t keep those thoughts to myself… But I also didn’t share my deepest layers with anyone.
Until I met him.
And since I’ve been married… I’ve barely visited that blog.
It’s not because I have nothing to write. I do. I still have thoughts, fears, confusion… But now I have someone that is willing to listen without judging me. Someone that not only accepts me like an inanimate blog would, but someone that can actually provide feedback, suggestions, advice, support, enthusiasm… Someone that can share my thoughts and feelings… And someone that will share their’s with me.
In the past, as soon as I have a thought, I’d open my laptop and type away. Now, I just go to him… Every time. I don’t even consider writing it… I’m always dying to share it with him.
I’ve never seen a good example of marriage and throughout my childhood I was certain it was the most devastating thing ever. I remember when we were discussing marriage, he promised me he would prove me wrong and he would work his entire life to do so if he had to.
It didn’t take him that long.
I began loving marriage from day one, alhamdulillah.
Not because marriage is perfect. Nor does it always make you happy.
It’s exhausting, and tiresome, and frustrating… And he never denied it would be these things. But he said that despite all of these things, it will be worth it. Because of these things it will be beautiful. It is these things that allow us to grow, develop, improve… My perspectives have been challenged countlessly and I’ve been pushed to limits I never thought I could bare. Alhamdulillah.
The experience has taken its toll on me in every form… And alhamdulillah for that… For the change, the growth…
I’m not writing this post because I want everyone to know about my married life. But I also know that married couples shy away from sharing anything about marriage which leaves single people unsure of what to expect. My husband and I have always tried to display what we can about marriage. We’re affectionate in public. We’re respectful. We tease. We workout. We argue. We share our experiences and don’t shy away from what the truth is because the sunnah has always been to share if it benefits the people.
And that is why I decided to share this story with you today.
Because I don’t want anyone to be scared. I don’t want anyone to think it’s too much to ask to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. I don’t want anyone to think there is a limit to what your marriage can be; it’s what you make it.
Wanna be a healthy couple? Wanna be a pious couple? Wanna be a volunteer couple? Wanna be a lazy couple? Wanna be a playful couple? Wanna be that old couple on the park bench fifty years from now exchanging sweet glances?
You can be.
Don’t ever think you can’t. The first step to achieving anything is faith. The next step is effort. As long as you have faith and you keep trying, you can achieve it. Inshaa Allaah.
May Allaah preserve and strengthen all of our relationships and allow them to be a means for us to enter jannah, ameen.
And no, I will not provide the link to my old private blog.
spikesnink said: Assalam aliakum wa Rahmat allahee wa barakatuhu sis<3 Could u please expand on what u mean by 'shameful modesty' ? I have seen it stated numerous times in your posts! Jazakallah
Wa’alaikum salaam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh =]
Shameful or blameworthy modesty is a form of modesty which is counterproductive and detrimental more than it is beneficial and ends up defeating its purpose. If a person’s modesty prevents them from doing beneficial things, then it is considered blameworthy.
An example is a person’s modesty (timidness, shyness) preventing them from denouncing what clearly should be denounced in Islam out of fear of differences in status or simply fear of being misunderstood, disliked etc. This is blameworthy or shameful because a person’s modesty has reached such a level in which they are actually too shy to do the right thing. This is the opposite of self-righteousness, which is being too swift to condemn without giving benefit of the doubt to a person etc.
A common example today of when someone’s modesty prevents them from doing the right thing is when a muslim woman does not work/study/teach etc because she fears having to face non-mahram men - this is not from the practice of the pious companions, radiAllaahu anhum. Men and women alike interacted with one another through education, work, travel etc because it was needed. They weren’t so modest and so fearful of intergender interaction that they paused their work or didn’t teach one another etc. Such a practice is detrimental to a community and a community can never develop if people don’t interact with one another.
Another similar example from a man’s perspective is a man choosing to not tend to a woman’s need because his modesty (ie: fear of speaking with non-mahram women) prevents him from being comfortable in interacting with her. Women, during the time of RasoolAllaah salAllaahu a’alayhiwasalam, could go to him and any of his companions when they needed help for something because the men were approachable. I’ve seen too many times myself how muslim men turn a blind eye to a sister in need because “he’s not her mahram” and “he can’t approach a non-mahram woman and help her.”
Shameful modesty is completely detrimental and the sad thing is that it roots from a person trying to achieve piety and be modest, but they practice it so extremely that it actually becomes shameful and not representative of Islam.
May Allaah protect us from such shameful modesty and guide us towards finding the proper balance between the extremes of modesty and self-righteousness, ameen. I, myself, have greatly struggled with shameful modesty and I am still working towards finding a balance. May He guide me and us all, ameen.
I hope that helps! BarkaAllaahu feekum.
Make dua’a that we understand Islam the way it was meant to be understood - the way that will only please Allaah azza wajal. Many of us desire piety but we’ve completely misunderstood the deen.
If the deen makes you a less likeable person, especially by those that should love you, then perhaps you’re doing something wrong. We need to understand that Islam will always improve a person’s character, and if your steps towards piety are weakening your character, rethink how you’re approaching Islam.
If the deen makes you intolerable of everything around you, perhaps you’re doing something wrong. As Muslims, we should certainly dislike that which Allaah dislikes, however, as Muslims, we never put people down, and we can’t lose our temper because of another person’s actions. The hate must be in our heart and there alone. The only external aspect of it should be beneficial, not detrimental.
If the deen makes you unaccepting of certain people, if it makes you categorize them, if it takes you away from extending your hand to those that may be struggling because you fear the fitnah involved, then perhaps you’re doing something wrong because this wasn’t the sunnah.
I understand we want to be pious and I understand being harsh and disciplined seems like the best way sometimes, but the truth is that is only the easy way out. It is so easy to make the religion black-and-white and be disciplined. It is much harder to look at the deen from an open minded perspective because that requires making judgement and we fear making the wrong judgement.
Don’t become the puppet of any scholar. Allaah never asked us to follow the religion blindly. Even with His commands He emphasized that we look towards the signs and truly understand why He has commanded what He has and how it may benefit us.
So make dua’a we can put understanding and thought into the deen. Allaah always asks us to spend time in His remembrance and contemplation of the deen. This is necessary. Take time to seriously think about how you are approaching the deen and whether it is truly what He wants from you. Interact with a variety of scholars that have varying perspectives and you’ll see just how deep the religion is - whereas we tend to make it as shallow as simply haraam-halaal or sunnah-bid’ah.
May we understand the deen with depth and wisdom, ameen. Ya Allaah, during this month of mercy and forgiveness, guide us and allow us to follow the deen the way it was intended and open our eyes, hearts and minds to the truth and forgive us for misunderstanding, ameen.